


How to Fall In Love With Your Husband

by AfflictedwithAlliteration



Series: Cotton Candy [8]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Arranged Marriage, Alternate Universe - Underfell (Undertale), Fluff, Idiot Couples, Language, NON-GENDERED READER, Reader-Insert, Sprinkled with bits of Dark Themes, Strong Language, a dash of angst for flavor, attempted humor, mentions of adult themes, questionable life choices, some violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:20:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23688334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AfflictedwithAlliteration/pseuds/AfflictedwithAlliteration
Summary: This is a story of a handful people, and an arranged marriage gone wrong.Your sister: The bane of your existence and the reason you are now the bride-to-be in this arranged marraige.The damsel: Also you, because your sister thinks you need to be rescued.Your husband: Utterly useless.His brother: Psychotic and chasing down your sister or wait...protecting you from her kidnapping you?Then there's you. You honestly have no idea what is happening, you just don't want to cause the end of the world via divorce.
Relationships: Papyrus/OC, Sans (Undertale)/Reader
Series: Cotton Candy [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1117524
Comments: 21
Kudos: 84
Collections: Sans/Self Insert Ship Week 2020





	1. In Which Everything Goes Horribly Wrong aka First Meeting

This was all your sisters’ fault.

Everything usually was but this took the cake. Weren’t older siblings supposed be the ones who took care of things not made them infinitely more difficult?!

“What do you mean ‘she’s gone’?”

“That she’s no longer in the estate.”

“I know what you—never mind. Just…do mother and father know?”

“Not presently.”

You can feel a stomachache coming and wrap your arms around yourself for comfort. One small thing that might make it all salvageable. Maybe. Who knows what other servants—

“Then who does?”

“Myself and her maid…and the stables.”

“…wonderful.” Your hands creep up to rub at your temples. You needed a plan. There were only—you glanced to the clock—six hours until she was meant to be saying her vows. You could handle this. You always handled her messes; this one was no different.

If you didn’t include the fact that she basically just made your family name ruin a treaty before it fucking started!

“Okay…okay, everyone is to keep silent. _Do not_ tell my parents a word, do you understand? Absolute silence. If you have to throw the blabber mouths in the dungeon, do it. But no one breathes a word until after the wedding.”

“Anything else?”

With a shaky breath you straighten. You’re both the same height, same hair color. This could work. 

“Bring me the dress maker and my sisters dress.”

* * *

“It’s good to see you taking this well, dear, I’m so proud of you.”

You nod behind the veil as your father walks you down the aisle and imagine strangling your sister. If she ever came back, she owed you. More than owed you. She would be your indentured servant for life. If you didn’t cause the war to restart and get killed when everyone found out that is.

Heart thundering you held back a whimper or groan or mix of both when he finally released you with a kiss on forehead. A hand on your back to push you towards the groom. Who was nothing like what you expected, not that you’d even seen a picture, that privilege was for the actual fucking bride!

Even though no one could see if, you tried to smile at him from behind the veil, taking in his features instead of hearing the words around you. He wasn’t half bad. For a skeleton. It could have been worse as far as arranged marriages went. Sure, his teeth were sharp enough to rip out your throat, and maybe he looked like he could snap you in half but standing there with his hands in his pockets…well, it could have been worse is all.

A throat cleared and you focused, gaze flickering until they met your soon-to-be husbands. When you still did nothing, he raised an eyebrow and glanced down. Rings! Right!

“I do.” 

You half whispered it as you slid on the ring. Thankfully no one else aside from those at the front can hear it and recognize you. Especially when the skeleton laughs at you lowly, and the official continues over you sternly. You’d almost ruined it before it finished. Resisting the urge to smack yourself in the face you focus on what is being said. If you can just get through this, you could deal with the fall out later. 

Divorces took what? A few weeks to process. You could delay a war for a few weeks, maybe your settlement could be—wait, would this sort of thing even have a divorce process. Gods what had you don—

Another cough.

_Shit!_

What was he saying?

“You may kiss the bride.”

Well, fuck. 

You’d forgotten about that.

There’s no time to back out as the skeleton yanks you to him, done with what probably looks like you stalling. Thankfully it’s a press of teeth over the veil. Lips and pointed edges meeting then drawing the smallest bit of blood from your lips as he pulls away. 

He releases you as abruptly as he’d grabbed you, the same passive grin on his face as he licks blood off his tooth and raises your still joined hands.

“I now pronounce you, husband and wife!”

* * *

You’d managed to not talk to any of your own family during the shortest and tensest reception you’d ever been a part of. So far, no one had noticed. Actually, you think your mother did but her eyes had only gone a little wide then she her smile was back and you thought maybe you’d imagined it.

But now you were panicking. 

Worse than your parents finding out was the monsters, but you couldn’t wear a veil the whole night. Maybe if you told him you were shy and covered your face with a pillow instead? Wait…did monsters even have sex? Maybe you had nothing to worry about. 

There was a knock on the bathroom door and you barely held back a scream.

“Ya die in there or what?”

“Y-no! I’m…freshening up!”

“Ain’t gotta worry ‘bout that.”

The words were easy going but his tone said hurry the hell up. Pressing your palms over your mouth you silently screamed before pulling open the door with a smile, veil still in place. 

“My apologies for not—”

“’Nough with the formalities. Sit.”

He jerked his head to the bed and you cautiously went to sit while he leaned against the doorframe and watched you. His lights were small enough that they were almost gone and frankly, terrifying. You try to make conversation, clenching your hands in your lap to stop their shaking.

“It just the nerves.”

“Yeah. Lotsa nerves for a weddin'...and when ya been lyin' all day.” His words could almost be comforting if not for the last bit. You feel yourself tense, ready to bolt. He only snorts and then he's in front of you, flipping the veil with a casual flick of his wrist before you have a chance to process what the hell just happened. “’S what I thought.”

“I can explain!”

“Sure, ya can.” He sighs.

“I mean it, I—”

“Nah,” he cuts you off and plops on the bed beside you with a yawn. “Didn’t mean I doubted ya, just don’t give a fuck.”

“I…what.” 

For a few minutes you just stare at each other. Him sitting on the bed while you sit there like a gaping fish before he laughs dryly and lays down then pats the bed beside him.

“Look, s’all for looks. Ain’t even my plan, ‘s my brothers and all of ‘em.” He shrugs and loosens his tie, getting supremely comfortable for someone who just married the wrong person. Again he pats the bed, an invitation to lay down. “Just relax, yer wound tighter than a spring, ain’t ya?”

You think about all the panic. Your sister running away to escape this. About how you probably could have sent a servant instead. About how it was all for show like you’d thought originally and a laugh bubbles to the surface. Even to your own ears it’s a little hysterical until you’re laugh so hard you’re crying. 

When you finally manage to stop, he’s still just watching you but his eyes are brighter now and the tension in your shoulders is gone. So when he pats the bed one more time, you flop on the bed beside him and stare at the ceiling while you try to process the day. 

“…what happens when your brother finds out then?”

“He ain’t gonna find it as humerous as me.”

“But—”

“Look, s’all already done. Married ya. Can’t do shit ‘bout it now, and tibia honest, I don’t give a shit. So take a nap and ya can find out tomorrow.”

“Were those puns?”

Snoring is your only response. You know he’s faking but honestly…you’re pretty tired too. 

Your mind is trying to go a hundred miles an hour but there is only so many surprises you can handle in a day. No matter how badly you want to panic, you're exhausted. With a sigh you close your eyes as one last thought drifts through your head.

“Should’ve said to-marrow.”

“Heh. Not bad.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since self-ship goes on to the end of month, I figured I'd take a bash at a "happier" AU. Then make it crack.


	2. In Which You And Your Husband Get Along aka Confessions

The dress is uncomfortable bunched in places that you’d rather not think about. At some point during the night you’d decided rather than a blanket you’d accosted the skeleton beside you, and he’s tangled in it just as much as you are. You’re fairly certain you’re both awake but you don’t bother to move, and he hasn’t said a word. 

You should be embarrassed but aside from the brief bit of ‘oh shit’ when you’d woken up, you’re actually pretty comfortable. Not to mention if you acknowledge any of it, you’ll have to deal with all of yesterday, and you don’t want to do that just yet. But the light from the window goes from a small sliver on your shoulder to blinding you, insisting you wake. You do with a sigh then a grunt of surprise when you hear the fabric tear, staring at the dress in shock before meeting the amused gaze of the skeleton when he laughs. 

It’s low and sleepy and a bit too intimate. You clear your throat and gesture to his feet, where the dress has snagged around his claws there too. 

“If you untangle your hand, I’ll get your feet.”

“Mornin’ to ya, too.”

“Yes…good morning.

It could almost be awkward, but he only laughs again and picks the fabric from his hands while you busy yourself with his ankles and feet. You probably could just rip it but it’s something to keep your hands busy as you try to figure out what the hell you’re supposed to do. This plan was not very well thought out. You couldn’t even inherit the throne to make it a Kingdom alliance anyways! Frustrated you tug a little too hard and sharp, skeletal hands move yours. 

“Takes skull ya ain’t got to get it out, lemme do it.”

Your lips twitch but you sit back as he picks it apart with ease but now there’s nothing to distract you.

“What do we do?”

“Thought I told ya not to worry ‘bout it.”

“But I am.”

“Can see that.”

“I—”

“Ya gotta relax.” He finishes removing the fabric and stands up, bones popping as he stretches then leans against the bed post to eye you sleepily. “You’re bone-in' this outta proportion. Ya ain’t gotta do nothin'.”

“Oh yeah, of course, right up until someone realizes I’m gone and so is my sister and then questions could start!”

“True. So, did ya whack her?”

“I—what—no!”

“Woulda been easier if ya did.”

You fight the urge to throw a pillow at him. You’re above all that. You take a deep breath and try again.

“People are going to wonder where I am, where she is if she never shows her face around here. It can’t stay like this forever.”

“Then why’d ya do it?”

“Thought you didn’t care.”

“Humor me.”

You glance at him and lazing or not, you remember he is a monster. A powerful one who had been rather patient with you all things considered. Humans were not the ones winning this war, their emergence and the blast of magic that leveled over half the population assured that, he could have killed you and no one would have been able to retaliate. There were only so many bodies one could throw at the front lines after all. Listlessly your hands fall into your lap, twisting the ruined fabric in knots. 

“I’m tired of the war. And publicity stunt or not, they’d use it as an excuse to fight if either side messes up.”

“…get dressed. Got ya clothes. And uh, wear yer veil.”

“Why?”

“Gonna see how long it takes Paps to figure it out.”

He winks at you like you’re in on some sort of joke then he’s gone, like he’d never been there to begin with.

* * *

“WHAT THE FUCK, SANS!”

Apparently, all it takes is you lifting the veil up a little to eat for the tall skeleton who’d been standing guard at breakfast to storm over shrieking. He’d been so quiet the whole time that you had not expected it, the fork falling into your lap right before he rips the veil off.

“What the fuck what, Paps? You ain’t gotta start yellin’ first thing in the mornin’.”

But Sans sounds amused, chin in hand as he watches the two of you with half-lidded eyes. You’re a little shocked because he is the king…right? But then you think of your own family and figure it’s probably fine.

“ME? I DON’T HAVE TO START? THEN WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!”

The skeleton gestures aggressively to all of you while you just sit. You honestly aren’t sure what you’re supposed to do here. The shorter skeleton doesn’t seem worried, but you understand the taller skeletons reaction on a spiritual level. This was what you’d expected when Sans found out not whatever nonchalance he personified. 

“S’my new—”

“DO NOT FINISH THAT SENTENCE. THAT IS NOT THE PRINCESS! WHAT DID YOU DO?!”

“Actually, I am royalty.” You’re amazed at how even your voice comes out as you stand to greet the skeleton. But it’s the most you can do before you busy yourself mopping up your earlier spill in an effort to not make eye contact with him. Why had you bothered to speak at all? You had no idea how to explain any of this any better than you had when you made your short-sighted plan. You finally clear you throat uncomfortably with nothing left to clean and meet his gaze. “The princess was—is—my sister.”

There is a terrible silence that follows and you almost look away, the skeleton glowering at you like he could incinerate you on the spot. You can hear his teeth grind before he speaks.

“I SEE.” He closes his eyes and you can hear him counting to ten before he continues. “AND WHERE IS SHE?”

“I…” your voice trails off and you glance at your husband to see him still watching you both, hands now behind his head. Cool as a cucumber and twice as useless. But then you remember you never told him why it was you and not her. You clear your throat, cringing on the inside as you say it but keeping your voice steady. If you just pretend you’re talking about the weather, maybe your voice will come out smooth and confident. “She ran away, so I married him in her place.”

“…YOU ARE DONE?”

“Yes.”

“FUCKING HUMANS!”

The words catch you off guard and you jump about two feet in the air while the other just laughs a little. He was seriously useless! You hold up both hands placatingly, sure you were just as frustrated but—

“I’m royalty, he’s royalty, the treaty of marriage between us both can still work. The person—”

“THE PERSON MATTERS BECAUSE ALL OF THE UNDERGROUND THINKS YOUR SISTER IS MARRIED TO THIS IDIOT! AND YOU ARE NOT THE ONE WHO CAN INHERIT A THRONE!”

You sigh as he repeats back everything you’d thought yourself. You knew all this. It was why you were silently screaming in the back of your mind most of the morning. You had no rebuttal. But with the both of you silent Sans finally speaks up, the two of you staring at him incredulously at his words.

“All we gotta do is make sure no one sees ‘em till ya find their sister.”

“OH, IS THAT ALL?”

“Then we swap ‘em out.”

It actually sounds like he’d given it thought and you realize that’s why he hadn’t been worried to start with. It’s actually not an awful idea. In theory. They hadn’t actually met your sister yet because that was not going to work but if they were willing to keep up the ruse and buy you more time to think of an actual plan—

“We can do it!”

“IS STUPIDITY CONTAGIOUS?”

“No, it could work. Hear me out, how much do monsters know of human customs?”

“OUTSIDE OF THE PALACE?”

“Both?”

“INSIDE THE PALACE WE ARE ALL FAMILIAR BUT THE POPULACE DOES NOT CARE MUCH.”

“Then…I can wear a veil everywhere and say it’s a human custom that…only my husband can see me without it!”

“IT WOULD EXPLAIN YOUR STRANGE BEHAVIOR DURING THE RECEPTION. BUT EVEN I DISCOVERED YOUR RUSE, HUMAN.”

You thought you’d done pretty good but apparently not, still you straighten you back a little more and raise your chin defiantly. It’s not like he had a better plan. “That may be but do you have a better idea?”

“…NOT YET.”

“Then we’re agreed?”

“I WILL HAVE TO.” He looks you up and down once more then shakes his head. “FINISH YOUR FOOD THEN COME FIND ME. YOU WILL EXPLAIN TO ME _IN PAINSTAKING DETAIL_ WHERE YOU SISTER MIGHT HAVE GONE AND HOW.”

* * *

“What if he accidentally kills her? What if she accidentally kills him?” You freeze as you see the skeleton pack a large axe. “What does he even need that for?! Maybe I should go with him—we both can, like a honeymoon—”

The short skeleton had been listening to you ramble anxiously for the past half hour but now his hand is over your mouth. His smile is a little tight at the corners when he speaks, and up close you can see how expressive his features really are. 

“S’nough.”

“What?” You mumble the words against his hand. Surprised by how smooth if feels aside from the obvious cracks. He presses his hand a little firmer against your mouth.

“Stop talkin’.” You almost reply but he shakes his head. “No. Yer done. Ain’t gonna listen no more.”

“But—”

He uses his other hand to cup your head, pressing his hand even tighter, eyes bright.

“Find somethin’ else to bitch ‘bout or ya ain’t gonna be talkin’ no more.”

You take several seconds to let yourself panic before the offense sets in. Narrowing your eyes, you lick up his hand, grinning when he pulls himself away. But after you can taste his hand on your tongue, you grimace.

“That was gross.”

“No shit.”

* * *

When Sans said it was for show, he’d meant it.

After Papyrus had officially left, the shorter skeleton had left too. Leaving you the warning to keep on your veil but otherwise ‘relax, yer lookin’ like ya ate a lemon’ and then he was gone. And you were left to explore the castle. 

You could just imagine your sister here. Shrieking out of pure fury of having nothing to do or butting her way into whatever politics that Sans was likely playing at. Instead you tried to memorize the halls because you were absolutely lost. 

You probably should have asked him for directions when you had the chance. Instead you’re debating if you yell loud enough if someone will find you. With a smothered groan you open another door and glance inside. Another empty roo—

“Nosey lil’ thing, ain’t cha?”

You managed to hold in your scream and turn to face Sans. Ever proper as you smooth out your clothes like he hadn’t almost just made you die.

“Well, it’s my castle now too, isn’t it? At least for a while.”

He gives you a measured look then shrugs, smiling. “Suppose.”

“How did you even find me? Were you spine-ing on me?” 

It takes a moment before he barks out a laugh. You feel yourself relax a bit, better laughing than whatever look he had before when he’d found you.

“Somethin’ like that.”

That makes you pause but you decide it’s a thought you really don’t want to care about right now. Instead you offer an arm to the skeleton and gesture back to the hall.

“Do you mind escorting me on a tour?”

“That yer fancy way of sayin’ yer lost.”

“It was, yes.”

He laughs again but takes your arm.

* * *

“When you agreed, I thought that meant you knew your way around the castle.” Your husband shrugs as you both go down the same hall for the fifth time, not a care in the world. “And when you said, ‘something like that’, I thought you were being witty, not following me because you were lost, too!”

“I ain’t lost.”

“Oh? Then where are we?”

“In the castle.”

“Sans!”

“Don’t gotta lose yer head.”

It startles a laugh out of you as you shake your head. “Do you just store those up until the right moment?”

“Dunno, maybe I’m just good a finding the right words.”

“Just not the right halls.”

“Ya win some, ya lose some.”

You can’t even tell if their actual puns or just ridiculous plays on the fact that you might actually be lost. Still, the more he says them the less worried you are about being lost or anything really, so it’s not all that bad.

* * *

You stare at the skeleton in surprise. 

“You’re in bed.”

“What? Ya wanted the this side?

“No! I just…we don’t actually have to share a bed.”

“I ain’t sleepin’ on the floor.”

“I wasn’t saying—never mind. I guess it doesn’t really mattress.” 

He chuckles as you crawl in. If he’s going to be obtuse then you can be too, and it’s just a bed. You’d done fine the night before. And the day had been no less exhausting than the previous. By the time you woke up, it was likely your problems would be solved, and your sister would be there to take your place.

* * *

Or not.

This time the skeleton was wrapped around you.

He’s warm, a blessing since you’d apparently kicked off the blankets in your sleep. Considering it had already happened before and this time it wasn’t you, you refuse to be embarrassed but—

“You know when people fake snore they don’t actually say snore, right?”

“Dunno what yer talkin’ ‘bout.”

“They also don’t talk.”

“Snore.”

You laugh as you push him away lightly, stretching and wandering to the bathroom. It gives you the space to internally have a small melt down at how weirdly comfortable this is. It’s like you’re being sucked into his pace or maybe it’s because you know it’s fake, and that just makes your chest tighten a bit because…because he wasn’t awful to be married to. In some distant corner of your brain you wouldn’t mind waking up and falling asleep like that, and—

Shit.

You stare in the mirror as you wash your hands and glare at the reflection, hissing at it as quietly as you can.

“Don’t you dare get a crush on your husband.”

* * *

“Wait!” You grab the skeleton before he can do whatever it is, he does when he pops in and out of existence. “You can’t seriously just leave me here all day again.”

“Why? Ya gonna miss me?”

“Yes.” You didn’t know skeletons could blush and you release him quickly, looking anywhere but at him as you continue. “You’re the only person I know and have seen here besides your brother.”

That seems to right things, but his grin is still smug.

“That yer fancy way of sayin’ yer bored?”

“Of course.”

He snorts and holds out a hand. 

“Come on.” Whatever you expected it wasn’t the sudden urge to heave and the room shifting and splitting then reforming as somewhere else entirely. You stumble a bit and swallow the sensation, refusing to vomit on your feet as the skeleton steadies you. His hand smooths up and down your back, an apology or comfort, his voice gruff while your body tries to remember what it is. “S’better if I don’t warn ya.”

You can only manage a paltry wave of your hand in acknowledgment as you lean heavier on the skeleton. After what feels like an eternity you shake your head.

“Whatever that was, we are not doing it again.”

The fact that you can feel his laughter is what finally makes you pull away, surveying the room like you hadn’t just been draped all over him. Far too comfortable. You should be more worried about your sister, who was likely battling a skeleton—okay, maybe you shouldn’t think about that either. 

Something told you it was going to be a long day.

* * *

“Why haven’t I seen many other monsters in the castle?”

You didn’t mean to interrupt him, but you’d followed him as he just ‘checked on stuff, ain’t gotta worry ‘bout it’ and you hadn’t seen more than maybe two throughout the walk. The skeleton paused with whatever he was tinkering with in the wall to look at you then shrugged.

“Paps doesn’t trust ‘em. Only got the monsters we need.”

For a minute you open your mouth, ready to point out he’s the king so if he agreed he didn’t trust them either. Or maybe the fact that the king was tinkering with the electrics throughout the castle but decide that’s a topic for later. Instead you lean over his shoulder like you know what the hell he’s doing.

“So, does this mean you’re the mechanic of the castle?”

“S’why they keep me ‘round.”

Before you can say anything in reply a voice cuts you off, a shriek of rage accompanying it.

“S-sans? Where the h-hell have you been?!”

Instinct makes you poke your head up to see who the newcomer is, shocked by the brief image of a dinosaur monster before Sans vision fills your face, and his lips are on yours.

It’s nothing like the wedding.

This was practiced. A smooth glide of phantom lips with the dulled edge of teeth. You found yourself hyper-aware his hands holding your cheeks, and yours that had automatically wrapped around his neck. You can feel his vertebrae just under your fingertips as he adjusts you both, using his body to move you until it’s like you’re pushing him against the wall. It puts your back to the monster. But you can’t focus on that because you’re finding it hard to breathe. Even more so when he pulls back slightly. It’s just enough that you can feel the heat as he mumbles against your lips, something quick and low before sliding his lips back against yours. It’s clumsier now, the catch of a tooth against your lip that he laps up. A struggle to fight the sensation of his bone under your wandering fingers and his laughing lips against yours.

What had he even said?

_Don’t let her see yer face._

Right.

But you still can’t pull away. Leaning on him and flicking your tongue out to taste before a loud clang rings out above your head. You almost jump back but he keeps his hands on your cheeks, eyes flickering as he speaks but never leaving your face.

“The fuck do ya want?”

“Stop m-making out with th-the human and f-fucking get to your m-m-meeting!”

Whatever else he says falls on deaf ears. You’re too busy replaying her words: ‘making out’.

You’d just been making out with your husband. 

And you’d liked it.

_Shit._

You’re so lost in the endless litany of ‘fuck my life’ you don’t even notice when she actually leaves but you do notice when Sans drops his hands then moves away, laughing loud enough to wake the dead.

“Ya shoulda seen yer face!”

“What the hell was that?!”

“Ya didn’t have yer veil on.”

“You couldn’t have just done whatever you did before?!”

He just continues to snicker as he grabs your veil then places it over your red face, not that you can feel bad about that when his is just as a red. Still, he looks far too confident, hand in his pockets as he winks.

“Yeah, I coulda.”

With that he’s gone. Leaving you stranded and presumably off to wherever the other monster had told him to go.

* * *

You’re waiting in the bed.

It all feels very domestic. Waiting for a husband to come home and you can’t tell if that’s a good or bad thing. It has to be bad right? His brother was out looking for your literal replacement. The person who should be in the bed. And yet, here you were in the bed. It probably would be better to just go sleep on the chaise in the corner of the room. It would set a quiet boundary. 

For yourself. 

Because the kiss had been a necessary evil. That’s it.

You close your eyes to try and contain the chaotic thoughts. And it’s almost working when the bed dips and you see the skeleton laying on the bed. He looks casual, hands behind his head and eyes half closed but you think he might be sweating a bit. And his eyes look a little pinched at the edges. It’s such a reflection of yourself that all the half-formed ideas to tell him off or try and discuss it just sort of…fade. 

With a groan of defeat, you sink into the bed, letting yourself get comfortable even if your brain was shrieking in warning. After a moment his voice drifts to your ears.

“Knock, knock.”

You debate ignoring him for half a second before rolling to face him with a cautiously raised eyebrow. He adjusts to mirror your posture, grin looking only slightly less awkward than before.

“Who’s there?”

“Alfalfa.” 

You should roll over and go to sleep.

“Alfalfa who?”

You don’t.

“Alfalfa ya, if ya gimme another kiss.”

You almost do, inching forward a little but the last shred of your sanity stops you when your noses touch. You plaster a shit eating grin on your face. He deserves a little payback.

“No. I’m still kissed off about earlier.”

His startled laughter breaks the odd tension but neither of you pull away, just relaxing back into the bed. 

You absolutely do not fall asleep watching his face.

* * *

It’s someone else’s arms that wake you up this time. 

One minute you are comfortably in bed the next you feel cool steel wrapped around you followed by an ear splitting scream. You open your eyes to see the ground rushing up to meet you. And not the floor, the ground outside because whoever has you over their shoulder like a sack of potatoes just jumped out the fucking window.

The scream you realize, was your own. 

“Shh! Do you want to wake up the whole castle?!”

The voice is familiar, but you don’t have time to process it before you’re engulfed in a haze of red and yanked off their shoulder and straight into Sans arms. Who, you dizzily notice, is about to impale your idiot sibling with magic bones. 

Wonderful.

“W-wait!”

He doesn’t, just shoves you behind him as she bats the bones away with her sword. Now you’re awake. You try to move around Sans but he catches you with one arm.

“Quit gettin’ in the damn way!”

“No! Stop!” You ignore him and continue to yell at both of them but unable to leave the skeletons grasp. “It’s my sister!”

There’s an awful silence before most of the bones stop, one still hanging about you both. Your shoulders sag in relief and Sans cautiously releases you. You’re sister copying him and her sword pointing to the ground now but not put away.

“Ya gotta be fuckin’ kiddin’ me.”

“Let her go monster and we won’t have to—”

“What the hell are you doing?!”

You aren’t sure who is more shock by the shriek of rage, you or them. Your voice sounds like something out of a horror novel, but you don’t dial it back. You want to club her with one of his bones. For a minute she says nothing then takes off her helmet, looking confused.

“Rescuing you?”

“From what?!”

“The monsters?”

“Why would I need to be rescued?!”

“They kidnapped you!”

“I married him!”

“I…wait, what?”

“You! You ran away from the marriage to go play knight and someone had to marry him so there isn’t a world war four!”

“Don’t yell at me! I didn’t know you’d do that! But I’m here now, just come with me. We’ll find another way for the treaty, we’ll get you divorced, I’ll fix it.”

You blame the weirdness of the last two days.

It’s the only acceptable explanation for why you grab the nearest handful of pebbles and start flinging them at her. Each one launching a new tirade.

“I don’t want you to fix it! I don’t want to divorce him! I wanted you to be responsible! How could you do that to everyone?! To me?! You didn’t even leave a note! This could’ve caused a fifth war, what is _wrong_ with you? Don’t you ever think before you act?!” You’re out of pebbles but not words. All the feelings you smothered under casual acceptance shattering. “You—”

But your tirade is cut off by Sans yanking you back by the collar of your pajamas. Just in time to save you from the blur that tackles your sister to the ground.

“I FOUND YOU!”

“Shit.” 

“Yer tellin’ me.”

* * *

The four of you sit in the room. 

Your sister held at sword point by Papyrus. 

Who is holding her own sword at him with just as much aggression.

It’s probably the…you count on your fingers—fifth. It’s the fifth time in ten minutes it’s happened. 

You are done trying to play peacemaker and have joined your useless husband in sitting on the bed and watching the two hash it out.

“YOU WILL STAY AND MARRY MY BROTHER AS PROMISED.”

“Over my dead body!”

“THEN THEY HAVE TO STAY.”

“Over my dead body!”

“DON’T YOU KNOW HOW TO SAY ANYTHING ELSE?!”

They continue on for a bit before you groan and bury your face in your hands.

“Why did I think it would be easy to just swap?”

Sans shrugs. “She’s yer sister.”

“Thanks. Helpful.” 

“Dunno why yer so worried, thought ya didn’t wanna divorce.”

“I don’t!” It slips out before you can stop it. Your earlier words coming back to haunt you as you glare at the smug skeleton. “I meant…I don’t know what I meant but I didn’t mean we can—it’s not—”

“That so?”

It almost gets you but you refuse to back down, crossing your arms over your chest. Two can play this game.

“Is it. And so what if I don’t want to divorce, why do you care?”

“Never said I did.”

He didn’t miss a beat but his eye-lights flickered as he said it, gaze running over your sister then you. For a minute you two stare at each other, a contest of sorts while the other two put down their swords again. But when he finally looks away it doesn’t feel like victory. You sigh and bury your face in your hands, unable to look at him as you talk, voice muffled.

“Sans?” You don’t need to see him to know he’s looking at you again. You grit your teeth and spit out the words. They’re stupid and don’t matter because it’s a moot point but…you need to know. “Do you want to get divorced?”

It’s silent long enough that you peek through your fingers and find the skeleton staring at you with an odd expression before he shrugs a bit, face flushed when he looked away. 

“…I ain’t gonna be mad if we don’t.”

You sag with relief, slumping against him as you watch the other two pick up their swords yet again. After a moment you feel the skeletons head knock against yours, his yawn tickling your scalp. There’s a comfortable silence, or as silent as it can be all things considered, and you’re just going to close your eyes for a minute. 

But the minute you do, the darkness claims you just after you hear Sans begin actually snoring, the soft sound drowning out the other two’s bickering.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why is this so much longer than the first chapter? Dunno. Why do they sleep at the end of every chapter? Dunno that either. I honestly have no idea what I'm doing anymore. Enjoy! XD


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